Beginning of the Ramadan in the Jail
Abduwali Ayup
I spent my 15 months in Chinese detention camp, because of having Uyghur language kindergarten for kids from 3 to 6 years old. I spent my first Ramathan there without eating but with praying, without having wudu but with reciting something I could not change a single word.
In the jail 2014, I had already known that Ramadan starts in the 28 June a week before, There is calendar on the wall that was made using the nails. In everyday the prisoners who responded for the night watch which means two prisoners have to watch at night when others were sleeping. The ones on the night duty should secretly erase the old date from the calendar.
Erasing dates from the calendar was the favourite for every prisoners, The prisoners gladly to take turn to erase old date from the wall. Sometimes they even got jealous about it, prisoner who got the chance to erase the date feel himself a lucky man, because a day erased from the calendar means that it’s one day shorten from their sentence. It’s also means they got escaped one day without freedom, and get closer to the date of releasing. I observed that the prisoners who sentenced life imprisonment, they don’t really care about erasing those dates. I had been feeling that I might got life sentence so I don’t really care about the calendar, sometimes I even forgot to delete the date when I had the turn which night duty for two hours.
I still remember that day, in that day I got a turn for the night watch at 1 o’clock in the morning, so I move towards to the calendar for erase the old date. In that time I noticed that someone secretly drew a crescent on the 28 June, I also noticed that there is little star top of the crescent also. I saw that even it’s hard to notice, as soon as I saw that drawing I got so scared that might be someone like guardian notice this also.
My heart was beating fast and I immediately look around, because this is took guts and only the new people who came here with the huge wave has this bravery to do this. People like me who is being monetarized as a “Dangerous” prisoners living in here more that a year never have able to do this. No matter where I move in the small cell, there is a “Eye” that squeeze my heart watching me for the whole time with its “Bizzt” sound, the “Eye” won’t give me any chance to write something except from my mind not even the walls.
When I was on the duty, there was a guardian came to the cell and warning Uyghus not to fasting from morning. The guardian makes yellow jacket Uyghurs to kneel down on the floor and make Chinese prisoners to watch them very carefully, he also explained what’s like to fasting to the Chinese prisoners, they had no any idea what fasting was. The practice had done repeatedly, until the Chinese prisoners learn how to identify fasting.
In the early morning of the 28 July, we all got uncomfortable from the song called “56 ethnic groups are like 56 rose”, because the song means there is a class for us. Usually we don’t have class in the Saturdays and Sundays but the song came out all of sudden opens up all of the prisoners mouths cell immediately. The cell is full of Chinese curse words, but there is no any words came out as in Uyghur, only noise Uyghur prisoners can make are chain sounds on their feet while they are fixing their pants or the metal sounds from the chain while they are walking on the floor.
The first day of the Ramadan we started with speech from the speaker on the wall that how communist party liberated Uyghurs from Islamic brutal native rulers. There are 19 prisoners inside, the class as the full of orange uniform which means Uyghur political prisoners and a few Han prisoners they are majority in China immigrated to Uyghur homeland after 1949 Chinese occupation.
Uyghur political prisoners are sitting on the floor their feet chained, their heads are shaved and their faces are full of misery. It was really clear comparison with some a few Chinese thieves and drug addicts. After the speech, we were asked to watch TV, in the TV, it shows something like “In Xinjiang now it’s full of groups called Djama’a, they use excuse of Ramadan they break the law of the nation and stay against the communist society and national education security”. The propaganda showed on the TV with the pictures, because of I sitting the last seat of the room I can remember the exact atmosphere.
The oranges are sitting squeezed and death staring, the “pickles” are sitting here and there even some of them like lie down, they are throw words from this side to that side and shoulders to shoulders make their conversation, the orange jacket Uyghurs are heavy breathing one and another to make the atmosphere of the cell more dramatic.
At around 10 o’clock the guard called Wang came in and yell “Baoshu” (Start to counting), this is for count down the prisoners, I reported the count because of I’m the night watch from the last day. Then he asks me is there anybody who is fasting, after that he ask me to report the count of the Muslim prisoners how has the potential of fasting, I told him 16 Uyghur political prisoners, one Uyghur thief, one Hui (means Chinese speaking muslim) and one Kazakh 19 total. I handed over the list to Wang.
Wang looked at the list and yell “I told you to tell me who has the potential of fasting, why you add up the hui and Kazakh?”, the anger I got penetrate my bones, even though I calm myself down and replied : “Kazakhs and huis also the Muslim ethnic group in China, they don’t wears the orange political prisoners uniform it doesn’t mean that they are not, Muslim, they are not fasting”, as soon as I said that, Wangs face expression is changed, I told to myself “Oh no! I got big trouble!”, Wang yelled “Chulai” (Came out!) as soon as he said that two prisoners in the cell who are responsible for the discipline chained my feet and handcuffed me up for the preparations.
This situation basically is like a thunder in the clear sky, I have no time to figure this out so I just followed the orders walks front of the wang. More I walk more the chain it hurts me, the narrow corridors seems like a long journey in the endless darkness for me, there is tons of questions floating in my mind, “why they are overrating this kind of simple things? Or if some Uyghurs are fasting so is it the reason I’ve been called? There is three camera watching ours every movements, the chains on our feet keeps there for preventing us to do cleaning process-wudu before the pray, in the morning everybody eats their Chinese steamed bread-Momo and soup from the small hole on the cell door while staring the guard, how even possibly to fasting? Who can even fasting? I’ll tell no one because no one are fasting”.
In that moment I’ve thinking every possible fault to makes me get in the trouble, there is a time when I was sitting for the toilet, the Wang yelled “attention!”, I immediately stand up as we instructed and pull my pants get in the line, but I was late for just couple of seconds before pulling my pants, in that time Wang gave me the very bad look, maybe he’s taking his revenge because of this?
The chains inside of the Wangs office, the shackles and the five electric shock sticks hanging on the wall, my body was shaking after I’ve seeing that, every one of the electric shock stick has a power of torture 20 minutes, that means at least they can torture me for like 100 minutes, I was thinking if they use this electric shock sticks on me I will throw up any thing from my stomach, the skin got the shock will be peeled off, it’s better to knocked out at this time, the old skin that peeled off replaced by new skin it takes around one month, I was thinking all of these, my body was shaking my teeth was crushing each other all my forehead become sweaty like I just came out of the swim,
Wang didn’t say anything, he use the controller to open the screen in his office, I looked at the screen, it was recording from the cell, I was looking at the wall and deep dive to my thoughts while I was in the night watch, there is person called Gheyret he got in there for stealing a jade, he got up and reading something from the wall and then he swipe his face with his hands, he went to the toilet and drank some water from the sink, washed his mouth for three times, washed his face for three times, and then he went back to his place and read something from the wall after that he went silence.
Wang fast forwards and show me another record, at the breakfast Gheyret eat the Momo drank the water from the paper cup, while later he put his finger to his mouth and throwing away everything he eats to the toilet.
Wang gave me the bad look and then he turn the recording to the 24th June, Gheyret took his note book from the case and come to me, we talked a while, I shake my head he is begging and then I was writing something for him, then the record moved forward again, Gheyret write the words on the wall from his notebook, I told to myself Oh my!
Actually, in that day Gheyret told me to teach him morning fasting pray-sohor and open fasting pary-iftar, I rejected immediately, but he insist and begging me to teach him, he told me he used to doesn’t fasting but now he wants to learn, he wants to learn the prayer, he also told me after he got out he wants to start to praying and quit all the bad habits, he promised that when the god open for him a new door, he will stick to his believes and won’t commit sins, I told myself I got really glad that this 18 years old guy back to on his track, he steals somethings because of the drug addiction, these kind of children start to doing drugs learn from other guys like him when they don’t have any money they’ll start to steal for the drug money, if he back on his track and bring back his belief he will be quit hanging out with the bad person, and find kind righteous friends, I believe that because I witnessed and hear example like that a lot,
I write some fasting and open fasting prayer also Nesir and Asir prayer for Gheyret in similar vocalized Chinese, I got sad about the prayer written in vocalized Chinese won’t be correct, but I had no chance, I also witness thousands of Huis (Mandarin speaking Muslims) learn to read the prayer like that, because of I used to teach Chinese in the cell it won’t be draw some much attention, that’s what I know, but I never consider that the three “Eyes” watching on me will be record everything, why I miss that? How do I knew he would write everything on the wall and pray for it, how do I knew!
I’m so weak that imagine the consequences of my crime, my teeth are hitting each other because of afraid, my hands are shaking the chains are making noises, “What is this! Who you want to lie to?” he yelled and run to me, he towards his hands to the pile of chain, even before I think what might he going to do he take the chain and strike to my head, my eyes got red immediately, before I bring my consciousness I feel that there is liquid flowing from my neck to my shoulder then it’s flows to my chest, then I found out it’s the blood that flow, then I found out he breaks my right ear from the prison doctor.
The guards press me to the hospital bed like they are going to sacrifice a sheep, then a person with the white coat came to me with the big needle on his hand, he bend over to my head, I close my eyes and I can’t dare to open it, I heard the sewing sounds, I might can’t control myself to scream out, there is big hand coming and shut my mouth, even I hold myself to tight I can’t even control myself from shaking, I was shaking too hard that I can’t feel that four guards that holding me are being tired.
After my head was patched I got some relief, in that time I remembered the Kenji from the “Half hitted bullet”, the novel about Uyghur intellectuals tried to organize people to fight against the nationalist Chinese rulers. In the novel Kenji is the leader of the protest against the nationalist forces in Urumqi back in 1940. He get his self away because of he missed the shot to the traitor called Abdullah. After Kenji was being caught he got skinned and throwed into the salt, he’s one of the lead wise man among the Uyghurs, Kenji never gave any name even on the hard torture, after that he and his friend Zulyar executed on the guillotine, after that their body thrown to some place that I currently held in, I read the novel while I was 13 years old, it affects me so much that I feel like all the scene shown front of my eyes.
I am laying on the bad and looked to my nails, I got all my nails, but Kenji’s and his friend Zulyar’s nails are all pulled out, I didn’t get electric shock in that time as I had in august 19, 2013, my skin is not peeled, the bed I was laying down is regular, but the bed Kenji was laying down is all full of spikes.
I got detained while I’m walking the way of my ancestors give their life on, I got detained in the place that my role models were died, I didn’t even been through half of the torture that our former leaders gave, after I got detained I can imagine that I might have same experience just like in the Novel called “Half hitted bullet”, this is the way, those precious souls who gave their life has same soul as me, Kenji’s father also was waiting for his son to came back, Zulyar’s mother also want to hug his son, but none of them returned, they were all died for freedom that we are fighting for.
All of sudden the guard manger been called from the prison hospital room, there is Pakistani criminal got execution from the judge, he’s called Seypullah, he refuse to eat and stomach acid came out from his mouth, as they said I must translate for him and convince him to eat, he was the precious star in the prison, I think because of special brotherhood between China and Pakistan. He always do what he says, he eats the officials, high quality food, he got cigarettes to smoke from the guardians, he get caught in the China and got execution is he’s the big diplomatic problem for the prison.
Not matter what he says as long as he makes problems it’s always good for me, in this time nobody starts to asking questions about the fasting, all the eyes are looked towards to me to makes me explain and convince him with my English words. I spent several hours to make him comfortable, let him eat and drink.
The Ramathan I spent in the detention camp was full of “education”. I spent my first Ramathan there without eating but with I prayed for Xi jinping three times a day before the meals, like long live communist party, long live great socialist county and long live Xi jinping. We prayed those trinity without having wudu, we prayed communist party and recited its propaganda. We recited all but it was really challenging with reciting communist manifesto which I could not change a single word.